I Love You Isn’t Enough

I haven’t gotten super sappy in a while, so just let mama pour it all out tonight.

I’m not in any way shape or form inferring that those without children don’t feel immense, breathtaking, gorgeous beautiful amounts of love in their lives at all. But in my personal life, my experience up until these 27 (almost 28 years of mine) has taught me that there is not any sort of way to describe the beauty and perfection of being a mother. She literally makes my heart race just as much if not MORE than the moment we met her.

Today I had a really rough morning and it wasn’t off to a great start. I knew I’d have to drag her to the bank, the post office and get some errands taken care of which can be rough with her teething, she’s in a phase of not letting me buckle her in the carseat and lunging her whole body around and arching her back to avoid it. She ONLY is okay with being in the seat if it’s during one of her three nap times. TRUST ME, I know the kid and we have to plan all travel around it.

I was sitting on the couch watching her play and never physically displaying the vibe that I was really sad this morning but just trying to stay super happy and positive around her.

She stands up holding on to the couch and looks at me and asks me to pick her up (arms flailing in the air is the magic signal) so I haul her chubby buns onto the couch and she straddles me, holds my cheeks, open mouth kisses me for about 10 seconds (that’s VERY long for a baby!!!!!!!!!!) and then just puts her forehead to mine. She stays there. I go to move, and she pulls me back. She just stays there mumbling in her perfect cute voice. Then she hugs me. {I am crying typing this!!!!!!!!!} Camryn would not let me let her go and made me hold her because she knewI needed her. She always knows. Our souls are connected.

I can’t ever explain what that moment meant to me. I tell her I love you all day everyday but it isn’t enough. I have to do more, I have to show her love, patience, learning, self expression, politeness, culture, acceptance, I have to do right by her and show her this world is *NOT A MISERABLE PLACE* but full of beauty. This isn’t a broken world unless something has broken in yours and I refuse to let my little sunshine see the world with clouds in it even on the darkest of days. Life is hard and it’s different for everyone but I don’t want her to live sadly or in fear – I want her to conquer her little world and be an amazing happy girl that she deserves to be!

I promise you little girl I will do everything I can to give you everything you deserve. I’ve never taken a day for granted and even when you’re in the other room sleeping in your crib at night, I miss you SO much and can’t wait until you wake up with that wild bed head to greet me again with a smile!

Here are some Instagram photos from our day today :)

Sitting in her big girl Dora chair! But she did fall out immediately after this was taken, womp womp… :(